The June Gloom: Expat problems

It’s that time of the year again….the dreaded June Gloom. Back when I lived in stunning San Diego, CA June Gloom referred to the fog that would literally sock the coastline in up to 1 mile inland around the May/June time of every year, and by 4pm would magically disappear. Such a crazy yet gorgeous change in climate within a 24 hour time frame. Living out here in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, the dreaded June Gloom still happens around the same time every year, but it in reference to something completely different than the weather. This time its in reference to the mood that overtakes a vibrant city full of expats moving in & out as well as the time every year that families with school age children (not toddlers nor those with no kids) take their annual home leave to visit families and friends back home for 4-8 weeks, while the kids are on summer holiday. The rest of us can take home leave whenever it suits us, but a mass exodus happens in June for those either leaving for summer or those leaving permanently, with “newbies” arriving by August.

This year, June Gloom takes on a personal meaning. One of my dearest friends here in KL recently left with her family for her annual home leave to spend the summer with family & friends in the great US of A, the only difference is that this time, she won’t be coming back in August, instead heading on to a new adventure in Bangkok, Thailand. Additionally, another whole slew of friends are taking their home leave, making the summertime very quiet & subdued. The topping on the cake (and this is actually a great thing) is that Ramadan is on the horizon which basically means that KL becomes quiet and serene during daylight hours which makes errand running and lunch dates so much more relaxed and enjoyable!

Now, I’m not saying that I spent soooo much time with this friend and now I have all this spare time, although we did spend a lot of time together, rather its the routine that we find ourselves in from time to time. You know what I’m talking about- you find yourself in a “rut” of the same faces, the same activities, the same errands, the same stores, the same restaurants, etc etc. This is a great opportunity for me to remember to branch out again- to get Ava involved in more active playgroups since she’s walking and just wants to explore all the time. It’s time to remember that I too was once a “newbie” and to remember that feeling and find new friends in town to learn from and grow with. It’s a time to ask others to join my book club or mommy group, a time to get out of our “KL comfort zone” and explore more of this amazing city.

It’s really hard to put into words what it means to build friendships as an expat. It’s such a beautiful thing- meeting people from all over this world & for a season in life here in KL. But when those people you meet become friends, and I don’t mean just friends you see here and there, but deep down knowing-your-dirty-secrets friends, its hard to say goodbye to them and not be affected. I can finally feel what it must have been like for my family and friends back home when I was the one leaving them. It’s hard to be the one left behind. When you are the one leaving, you are full of excitement of what’s ahead but when you are the one left behind, yours days remain the same, only without that friend in your daily life. The “gloom” is hard to avoid for a few moments.

You see, when you live in a country other than your own, and you find others who are also experiencing that same phenomenon, regardless of if your home countries are the same or not, there is a certain kinship that is formed that is just unforgettable. You have an instant connection due to the similarities of your new “normal” daily life, the scariness and fear and excitement of the new experiences,  and the aching of missing “home”. All of that carries forward to other interests and soon enough, you’ve made a lifelong friend that you share your frustrations with, your tears with, your laughter with, your wine with, and your dreams with. Your friends become your family and then one day, it’s gone. Just like that. Crazy right?! You will always have this connection from this season in life and hopefully, with some effort, your friendship will carry on for a lifetime, but your daily interactions are a thing of the past.

If your lucky, like we have been, you’ve made a handful of these close-knit friendships and thankfully they don’t all tend to leave all at the same time. And such is the life of the expat world, new “blood” will be here by August and you just never know what new friendships are on the ever changing horizon, which is why it’s always good to keep yourself open and available to meet new friends. It’s also a time I am remembering to re-engage myself with groups and activities I have been in & out of due to conflicting schedules or just over-packed days. But now is the time to revisit those groups and classes and hopefully rekindle friendships along the way. It’s a beautiful and scary thing- opening yourself to others when you know its only temporary, but knowing that we are all “in it together” makes taking that initial leap and sharing that much easier.

Kids are always the added bonus. Having children in another country is an instant bond that you can never take away. You’ve done it- you’ve not only created a life, but you’ve gone through the 9 months of anticipation and the agony of birth and the crazy wild ride of infancy together, all in a foreign country with foreign doctors ad nurses and medical insurance, and that my friends, deserves a huge pat on the back! I’m not saying at all that having a baby in your home country is easier, because it’s definitely not I am sure, I’m simply pointing out the tight bonds that are created when you are all far away from your own families and support systems and hospitals. It’s a crap-load of emotions, let me tell you, so meeting others who also experience that is a godsend and helps when you have “one of those days”.

So this year’s “June Gloom” is a bit harder for me than those in the past, but after I allow myself a little pity-party, I am reminded of all the fun memories we’ve experienced together and the exciting reunions that are gleaming on the horizon. I remember with a smile my other girlfriends that are still here in KL and still so much fun to spend time with…they are here that fill that gap even more. I remember all the things I still haven’t seen or done around Kuala Lumpur. To say I have been blessed with some lifelong friendships in such a short span is an understatement. You know who you ladies are and I am forever grateful to you for being such amazing friends to me and my family.

Until next time, have a small pity-party, then call a friend to drink some wine & go shopping~

Kimbra