The International Nabers are Expats once again…….Beijing or Bust!

Real Talk- we are coming up on 6 months of living in Beijing, China and I have been working on this post a lot in my head, but always seem to get sidetracked between writing about our adventures, getting stuck on how to articulate my thoughts, and just trying to survive daily life out here and be present for my family so please, bear with me. I am just going to write, not worrying much about pictures and links, instead just focus on being real and raw and honest. Here goes…..

Moving is HARD. Moving with a significant other is HARD. Moving with kids is HARD. Moving with a pet is HARD. Moving to another country is HARD. Moving to China has been…….H!!A!!R!!D!! So don’t let my fancy vacation posts and social media posts fool you.

I cannot believe it’s already been almost 6 months since we first arrived to Beijing. I started this post about 4 months ago, haha…..but life moves at mind-blowing speed, thus here we are. I am shocked in many ways that it’s only been about 6 months because it feels like many many years some days, but yet other times I feel like I blinked and we arrived. I look at my 2 children and I am simply amazed. At 9yrs old and 10 1/2 yrs old, it’s crazy to me how well they have acclimated. I’m pretty certain it’s taking me longer to acclimate than them but I would definitely rather have it this way than the two of them not doing well.

But let me back up for a moment. What are we doing in Beijing, China you may ask? Well the answer is simple: my husband was offered a position for 2-3 years that we simply could not turn down. Not only is it an amazing opportunity for him to continue to gain more international experience in his field, but it also provides us as a family with a “once in a lifetime” experience….or in our case, 2 “once in a lifetimes” as we have ben expats in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia as well where we actually started our family and had our 2 kids! When we moved back to the states, our daughter was only 22 months old and our son was just 3 months, needless to say they have no recollection of their time there. While we loved settling into life back in the states, we always dreamt and talked about the possibility of moving overseas again once the kids were old enough to remember it and really experience life there, during school years. 8 years after moving back, almost to the month, we were headed back to our beloved Asia to experience China this time around. Life is such a gift, and also so very surprising and unexpected the twists and turns that it makes.

Growing up in Seattle, WA, I was fortunate to be able to travel- both domestically as well as internationally throughout North & Central America as well as the Caribbean. It wasn’t until I went to college that I ventured even further to study abroad in Spain, traveling all over Western Europe any chance I got during those 4 months. That is where my true love of travel really blossomed. When I met my husband, I found out he also loved travel, in fact had studied abroad in Mexico. So, we continued to travel, the next time to South America to experience Argentina, Brazil, and Chile, and then even further to Bali and Hong Kong. Then one day, on a bright, sunny, Indiana morning at Starbucks in Carmel, my husband told me about an opportunity he received for us to move to SE Asia, specifically Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Never in a million years did I think my story would take my husband and I to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (and TBH, I definitely had to look at a map to see just how deep into SE Asia Malaysia really was!) and again I am shocked I am writing this post from the capital of China- Beijing. I mean what in the everlasting world, crazy where this life is taking me and my family.

Making the decision this time around to move internationally to China as a family of 4 plus a dog was MUCH different than when we took a leap of faith as footloose and fancy newlyweds back in 2012 to Malaysia.

For starters, our kids had a history of life and friendships in Zionsville, IN for, well, for their whole short life. Everything they knew and loved and friends and sports and LIFE, we were about the rip the rug from underneath them. (This doesn’t even count ripping our own adult lives and friendships apart). The decision weighed so heavily on our hearts. We contemplated the offer for just shy of 4 solid months quietly between us 2 before approaching the kids, so many pros and cons lists back and forth…..even including a month long stint for my husband in China to check out conditions (post covid), apartments, schools, and just livability. We wanted to be absolutely sure before we approached the kids. We didn’t even tell family and friends, friends who had become our family in Indy. We didn’t want to, we wanted to make this decision for our family, only us, and then let everyone know. And the thought of our kids hearing it through the rumor mill instead of directly from us made us even more cautious.

That decision was brutal. Keeping such a huge secret from our loved ones was just about enough to break us. But in the end, we knew our nucleus family was of the utmost importance. Everything else was just not as important. It… they…. of course without a doubt, ALL important. But the 4 of us? Our children? The MOST important and I think any parent would agree with us.

While he was in Beijing, it became clear that this was not only possible for us, but also an opportunity we just couldn’t turn down. Covid was solidly in the rearview mirror, and the country was really opening back up to foreigners. Being some of the first influx of newbies post covid was exciting and scary all at once. After countless conversations, a TON of prayers, and quite the legwork in research…..we decided our family’s next step.

Now to tell the kids. I’ll remember that day in our sun filled sunroom forever, just as I remembered that fateful conversation at Starbucks 12 years prior before KL. The kids faces- the shock, the tears, the fear, the excitement, the crying, the yelling, the questions……all within what felt like a millisecond. I think what surprised my husband and I the most was how quickly the fear and scare and tears made way for questions, excitement, googling information, seeing pictures of the country, a world map, the school website, and apartment ideas.

If anyone ever tries to tell you kids aren’t resilient, they are dead wrong.

We knew that as long as we kept talking about this opportunity with them positively, focusing on new experiences, showing them what’s in front of them, instead of giving into fear and doubt, that they would mimic us and start to become excited about the adventure ahead. Now don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t then, and is hasn’t always been, an easy road. The kids emotions were all over the board. There were some days that I even wondered if they felt guilty for being so excited…….I mean I know I was experiencing that myself so how could they not?

The 3 months from when we told them to when we moved was a whirlwind. Every morning I woke up and braced myself for the day ahead. How would the kids wake up? Would they wake up excited or mad? And typically they took it all out on me and David- the good, the bad, and definitely the ugly. It was mind numbingly exhausting. On top of that we were selling our house, purging & selling, and figuring out what to store stateside and what to pack and bring with us. We were mourning the anticipation of leaving our best friends, enjoying time with everyone, saying our goodbyes, and reeling from the emotions of filling in our families of our decision. Every day we had tears. Tears for our life, for our friends, for our kids, for our families……it’s no wonder they say stress can break you. We were absolutely splintering in half.

We were definitely in the eye of the storm.

David and I felt like we were on an island. I think what shocked us and hurt us the most was how our some of our family members reacted to our news. Generally speaking, to say they were feeling all the feels an understatement. Anger, hurt, sadness, disappointment, frustration, confusion….those are words that stick out to me. I mean listen, I get it. And in a perfect world, wouldn’t it be great if families all lived near one another and saw each other regularly? But that’s not reality for us, it never has been. God took us both down paths that pulled us away from home early on in our adult lives. We wouldn’t change the course of anything, but sometimes yes it’s tough. If any parent has ever been or has the opportunity to be in our shoes…..I would hope they do the same- put the health of their nucleus family first. Everything else should fall into place after that, hopefully with full support of their loving tribe behind them.

The initial reactions from our family and friends of why we would leave our “cush” life for the unknown really shook us. It’s not secret David and I love to travel, and we made it no secret that after our amazing experience in KL, that we wanted to be expats again while the kids could remember and experience it alongside of us. I am not sure if that fact was simply forgotten or just ignored, but it’s the truth. So the initial lack of support almost broke us into pieces. Family, and friends who have become our family, is everything to us. In conjunction with that- emulating to our kids the balance of loving our friends no matter the distance between, as well as extended family while honoring the passions and gifts God placed inside of us, was no small task. Not having your loved ones support with such a monumental decision, one that is a huge passion of ours, really put a damper initially on this whole amazing gift we received.

Thankfully, our families & friends started to come to terms with our decision. I mean listen, we don’t expect everyone to understand or even accept it, but we do hope for respect and support, just as we respect and support their own nucleus family decisions, whatever they may be. Thankfully time heals wounds and I believe we are fully supported now. We continue to hope and pray that their support continues to grow as we share how amazing this is for the kids and for us as a family. I guess when you stop to think about it, they all just love us so much that their hurt superseded their excitement for us. At least, that’s how we choose to see it.

The beauty of being expats this time around is that we have technology on our side. FaceTime, iMessage, phone calls, emails……all readily available. We even outfitted the kids with devices so that they could contact family and friends whenever they wanted. And it’s been beautiful to see them continue to cultivate relationships from afar. What a gift indeed.

In the grand scheme of things, this 2-3 year experience is a tiny blip of what will hopefully be very long lives for us all. So if it is a tiny blip of 2-3 years- then by god we will make the most of it!! That also means making the hard decision of not running back to the states every time the kids have a school holiday. If we are going to show them the world, then we need to do just that! This means only going to the states once a year, and capitalizing on other school holidays with trips around Asia. The kids are learning SO MUCH. Experiencing multiple cultures, languages, countries, cuisines….. I mean I hope and pray they remember just what a gift this is, even if they grow up and chose never to travel again.

Sometimes I have pinch me moments where I just stop and am in awe. We are DOING THIS. Living this gift of a life to its fullest. We took a HUGE risk, uprooted our family, and literally moved to the other side of the world. We are all learning arguably the hardest language in the world, navigating city life of one of the top 10 largest cities in the world (which is a long way from the cornfields of Indiana), making new friends, eating new foods (goodbye goldfish crackers, hello seaweed sheets- not kidding)…..basically we have all stepped WAY out of our comfort zone. And all I can do is hope and pray this is a huge life lesson for the kids to continue to cultivate as they navigate their way through life.

When we do go back to the states to visit, we talk every now and again about who we will see, what we will eat, what stores we can’t wait to stroll around…..you name it, we discuss it (I’m looking at you, Target). And it’s actually become so fun and something for all of us to look forward to. Of course our time will never be enough with both family and friends. It will fall short, as vacations and trips always seem to end before we are ready for them to end. BUT, it makes the anticipation of the next visit that much sweeter.

Now…..since arriving, we’ve had our fair share or ups and downs. My husband getting started in his new role- which doing business internationally is a huge challenge, the kids starting at a new international school & making new friends, our dog Wilson arriving and figuring out what city life looks like, and myself trying to make our house a home, dealing with banking and paying for things, finding groceries, translating EVERYTHING people say and write, not losing my marbles over so.many.things!! All the while trying to network with others, find friends, and stay sane. Yea, so ups and downs, good days and bad days, it’s all part of the deal we signed up for. Doesn’t make it any easier to go through, but if experience has taught me anything, this too shall pass.

Now that we are 3 months into our new “permanent” apartment (from a 3 month temporary hotel stay), and our shipment FINALLY arrived after a very long delay, I can confidently and honestly say we are starting to find our groove. That being said, we all still have “China days”. Typically these days come seemingly out of nowhere and trying to navigate whose turn it is and rally around said person to support them can be, well, challenging. We try to make things better with ordering a favorite meal, playing exploding kittens together (please do yourself a favor and play with your kids), talking about where we want to travel to next, and chat about what we miss the most from the states. All of this is part of what we signed up for, and I definitely wouldn’t change this for the world, but if I’m honest this time around also navigating the expat minefield with 2 kiddos who look to us parents for all the things, is extremely exhausting.

What’s surprised the hell out of me though is how much our family dynamic has changed. We knew going into this that we would be closer because we would only have us 4 to count on, as well as living in an apartment instead of a sprawling multi-level home. What we didn’t see coming was just how amazing the closeness has become. How special the days are. How much we are getting to know one another on a whole new level. And how much FUN we are having together. And yes, there is fighting, of course there is a plethora of fighting…. I mean HELLO, lolol!! BUT…..I wouldn’t change this for anything in the world- knowing my daughter and my son so deeply. Enjoying the mundane, learning what makes who laugh until they snort, seeing the unknown through their eyes, enjoying the adventures, and being together on the days when words fall short and a long hug is all that is needed….these are the days we can’t ever get back. I will cherish them forever.

Wow, as I see how much I have written so far, I realize there is a whole new blog post I need to write about. Write about settling into life as expats in Beijing China…but I’ll save that blog post for another day. So consider this part 1. I will expand on life as expats with 3rd culture kids in the next volume of this expat story in Beijing, China.

For now, thank you for reading and for indulging me. Remember, the glass is either half full or half empty. How are you choosing to view it?

xoxo,

Kimbra