Expat Life in Beijing- Year 1: Be Like Water

The other day I was chatting with the kids over breakfast before school and mentioned something about how next month will be the end of the school year and they were shocked that we are already here…. at 9 months later, about to finish off our first school year in Beijing, China. Where does the time go?! In some ways, it feels like we still just arrived in Beijing to begin our adventure, and other times I feel like we have settled in to our “home” here and have lived much longer than only 9 months here. Wild how time can be so fickle.

A clear evening without pollution and stormy skies while the sun sets. Beautiful.

It’s been such a different experience being an expat this time around than the last time we were in Malaysia. Back then we jetted off to KL without kids and still just newlyweds, footloose and fancy-free. We left 3 years later back to the USA as a family of 4. This time we left the USA a family of 4 plus a dog, and rest assured will NOT be expanding our family, haha…..but this time around the experience is proving to be much much different than before, and much harder than we imagined. You can read about the decision to become expats in China here.

There are so many things I want to say and honestly I am not sure how to start it all. Social Media and Blog Posts in no way encapsulate our experience, rather they are tiny highlights of our life. Daily life, well, it’s more of a grind. Some days I can feel like, yes, we are doing this, we are gaining momentum, this is working out…and then BAM- the rug gets pulled out from under you and it’s 100 steps back to the beginning. Living in China has humbled the hell out of us. The obvious changes are 1- the intense language barrier, and 2- living in one of the largest cities in the entire world, coming from the cornfields of the midwest of America. The weeks are rollercoasters of emotions ranging from homesickness to frustration at the lack of communication, to the adventure of all of our travels, the beauty of the kindness shown by locals towards us and the convenience that China offers by the second.

The gift of experiencing this kind of life is rare, and we try and remind each other of this any chance we get. Very few will experience this so to be able to ride the wave and come out not a changed person, but a more enlightened person, with a broader view of who we are in this world, will ultimately serve us and our kids so well as we continue to live life. 

I think for now what makes the most sense in my chaotic mind is to just list some things and hopefully this helps explain what life is like in Beijing, China….so let’s try it out, I’ll try to limit it to my top 3 in each category so as not to bore or scare you, but believe me I have a TON more to say :).

Delivery strategy on side of the road. Stays overnight even…no crime so no worries.

These little delivery vehicles are crazy- I’m certain about half of this are for me!

What has been a surprising experience for us as a family?

1. The freedom of moving without our belongings. Yep, we decided to sell our home, our cars, and most things inside our home furniture wise, storing the more important things and memorabilia, awaiting our return. What did we bring with us? Well when we flew out we had 2 checked suitcases each, 1 carry on suitcase each, and 1 backpack each. We shipped out about a dozen boxes- mostly winter clothing and gear, a few kitchen favorites, some sports equipment, and some toys/misc items both kids really wanted to have here. I gotta say, it surprised the heck out of all of us, kids included, how easy it has been to move like this. Since arriving we of course have made our beautifully furnished apartment more of our home. I purchased desks and decor for kids rooms (thank God for IKEA), some decor for our bedroom and family room, we printed some family pictures and framed them, and otherwise it’s us 4 and Wilson (our pup), that makes this temporary house our home. What a cool and unexpected gift to give the kids, learning at such an early age what really matters in life. Not material things, but who you are with and how the space makes you feel. Oh, and BOOKS! Both kids just devour their books (and let’s be honest their devices too, not trying to be a saint over here- haha)
2. The closeness of our family unit. I have mentioned this before, but it’s worth mentioning again- we have become so close through all of this, something I think we all took for granted before. It’s almost like we really “see” each other now: our highs, our lows, our frustrations, our confusion, our happiness, our sadness…..there is no hiding it. And honestly even on the really really crappy days, it’s one of my favorite things about this expat life. We lean on each other, we enjoy each other’s company more, and we see how each of us brings so much to our family in our own unique ways. I cherish these days together and can only pray that this sliver of time will strength our bond as we look ahead to the teenage years and beyond. We hope that our kids will forever know that David and I are their North Star, their “home” no matter where they end up in this world.
3. The kids navigating new emotions relating to being 3rd culture kids. And while living in Beijing isn’t forever, the experience of it will last forever. It will shape their entire lives, both subconsciously and consciously. I’m sure at some point they will be in therapy discussing their parent’s decision to yank them out of their comfortable life and throw them into the unknown. To be honest, I know I will be as well. But, we love that they are becoming more independent in the way they carry themselves and in how they realize how strong they actually are as they chip away piece by piece the challenges of living overseas. I am in complete awe of their strength and resilience. Many days I feel like they are killing it and could teach me so much about how to thrive here. But make no mistake, they struggle on the regular about this and about that. But I don’t think it’s my place to share their innermost feelings so I won’t. I’m just so proud of their journey.

Love love love all the beautiful planters around the city

What has been super cool to witness?

1. Watching our kids navigate life in an international school. Our school is absolutely fantastic and we are so grateful we landed there. The kids have so much freedom and autonomy, and it’s showing in other areas of their life. They are making friends with other kids from all over the world, while still realizing cliques definitely do exist and how to navigate them without losing their own sense of self and worth. They are learning slang from their friends’ home countries, trying out new (to them) sports, finding out that “maths” is short for mathematics (proving to be a timeless joke in our home), all the while continuing to be like any other kid growing up and complaining about schoolwork and cafeteria selections. It’s such a cool experience to be surrounded by so many different cultures, all coming together in the sameness that is living in Beijing and continuing to further their educations, while learning a Chinese to boot!
2. Trying new foods at restaurants and snacks in the grocery store for the kids. Without us even having to ask or beg, the kids are willingly trying new foods and flavors. Their palate is changing faster than ever and it’s pretty awesome to be able to take them basically anywhere, knowing they will leave full and satisfied- Hot Pot is a family favorite. They have tried literally the craziest flavors of potato chips, and while they desperately miss Goldfish crackers, they absolutely LOVE seaweed sheets. Who knew?! Whether they always have been and we never noticed nor gave them credit or whether it’s brand new, man their sense of adventure in trying new foods blows us away…they may not like it, but they are trying it!
3. It’s been amazing to watch the evolution of our adaptation here in Beijing, China. It’s sink or swim, feast or famine. It’s sitting in the uncomfortableness because there is literally no other choice, and wading through the muck to find the beauty of making it to the other side of whatever challenge arises. It’s even us parents learning about all of this from our kids when our adult overthinking minds block us from doing so. It’s being thankful in the hard moments and soaking up every bit of the good moments. It’s finding out how to be comfortable knowing this forever changes us and how we relate to the world.

This little old man is always doing Tai Chi in our park and I just love watching him!

What has been challenging?

1. The Language barrier. Oh the language barrier. It’s NO JOKE. The kids take an hour of Chinese Mon-Fri in school. David takes private classes 3 days a week to help him in navigating business, and I try to learn as many words and phrases as I can to help me in daily life. But make no mistake, Mandarin is a HARD freaking language- the tones, oh man the tones. Literally brutal. And don’t get me started on reading or writing the Chinese characters. 9 months in and I can sit comfortably in my realization that it will never come easy to me, but man watching the kids speak it, read it, and write it, blows my everlasting mind. David and the kids are much better than me, but hey I am comfortable in my limitations, haha.
2. Finding adult friendships and navigating international school politics. I have moved around so much in my life and have been so fortunate to find friendships in each season of life. Most of them still a part of my life, no matter the distance. HOWEVER…..this time it’s harder. Why? IDK. Maybe in my mid 40’s I am pickier- lol? Maybe I’m just busy managing our family- probably? Maybe I just haven’t found “my people”- IFYKYK? Or maybe I just know as I get older it’s the quality, not the quantity that fills my bucket. But it’s ok, I have found a few ladies that I truly enjoy spending time with and am thankful for their friendships and am putting my self out there time and time again, hoping to continue to keep my heart open. School politics is also a challenge for me, not unlike the states. What is it that makes me want to break out in hives?! haha
3. Miniature Washers & Dryers. I literally do laundry every day, and not just like a little bit. It takes FOREVER, because you can’t fit a whole load in. And don’t get me started on washing and drying bedding and towels….it takes SO LONG. I have always been one to hang dry a lot of clothes but this takes it to a whole new level because there is no “cool” dry setting. It’s hot or it’s nothing. Therefore I hang dry almost everything. Also, we had to put in a water filtration system throughout our entire apartment because the water is so hard here, and that includes the washing machine, otherwise the whites get super dingy, blacks get faded quick, and the fibers break down super easy. Fun times with housework (insert sarcasm).

We live in a super modern and huge city, yet this is how they sweep the streets. Amazing

What has fun a fun change of pace for me?

1. Living in a city vs a suburb. While David did get his China drivers license and leases a car, I have not driven a car since July 2023….and I don’t really even miss it. I walk EVERYWHERE. I just love that. If it’s farther than I can walk, like the kids school, I just take a Didi (China’s version of Uber). Beijing also offers shared bicycles for rent on every street corner so when the weather allows, I also love hopping on a bike and enjoying some extra exercise and fresh air if the destination doesn’t require a highway. Access to subways is also so convenient and besides getting stared at the entire time for how different I look, I do love the adventure and convenience of the subway system. And of course there are city busses as well, all electric.
2. The convenience of delivery. I mean guys, anything and everything can be delivered….at either ZERO cost or so minimal it’s not worth batting an eye (think less than $2 USD most of the time). Not only is there the obvious delivery of Tao Bao and JD (China’s versions of Amazon, but on steroids), but also delivery for any and every restaurant, coffee shop, pharmacy, groceries, and more. Shoot even IKEA and Sam’s Club deliver. And although some deliveries like Tao Bao and IKEA can take a few days, Sam’s Club will deliver many products within an HOUR, yes you heard that….for FREE. The vet we found delivers Wilson’s meds, we even get ice cubes and wine delivered- lolol! It’s almost become a game for me to see what I can get delivered vs run out to a store and get. And on the delivery note, it’s been shocking how low the prices are on many things. Make’s me do a double take most times, even still 9 months later. Case in point: I went onto Tao Bao to buy disposable travel coffee cups for David for his drive to work (please don’t tell me about washable ones- he forgets them everywhere- lol). So anyway I found some that looked like great quality and for what I thought was an appropriate amount, I purchased for just about $25. Imagine my surprise when they arrived and nope I did not get about 50 for $25 like I thought, but rather 500. Yep, 500 to-go coffee cups with lids and sleeves for just under $25 USD. LOLOLOL We are set for years.
3. Being blessed with the ability to hire an Ayi (Chinese local house helper). Now don’t get all high and mighty on me, roll your eyes, or think I’m snobby. Listen, it is what it is and I am not apologizing one minute for it. Life is HARD here. If I can lessen the load with having someone clean my house while I do everything else, I am going to do it. We found our Ayi through an amazing expat service who narrowed down my search based on when I wanted help (part time), what I wanted help with (basically cleaning and some meal prep- we don’t need the Ayi who helps nanny infants/toddlers), and I also really wanted one that spoke a tiny bit of English. We got everything we asked for and it’s been a joy to have her a part of my life. She makes living here more manageable and she even loves Wilson and happily takes him for walks when time allows, speaking Chinese to him in hopes he even picks it up- haha. She speaks great English and always wants to learn more words, while teaching me Chinese words. It’s a win win. She teases me with how much laundry we have, how much food we buy, but also willingly tries all my food creations, and definitely thinks Americans like too sweet of desserts- lol! I am grateful every day for her talents and the ability to provide her with a generous income to help her family. You can read about our other experience with a helper when we lived in Malaysia by clicking here.

We always know when our neighbors are having a house party- lol!

What is a struggle?

1. Because of the intensity of the language barrier- both spoken and written, I am constantly translating my voice, my words, and my pictures. We use a translating app (we love and use Baidu), and repeat until you purchase- whether in store or online. It is mind numbingly exhausting (see the gift of having an Ayi above with all my time spent here). I have countless, and I mean countless, screenshots on my phone from taking pictures and then uploading them to translate and repeat and repeat and repeat. I am getting better in the grocery store because I know most items by sight (this is spinach, this is an apple- haha) and in Tao Bao I am also getting better just by knowing what to expect. BUT, buying a simple product online takes FOREVER with translating. Restaurants can be the same, although some we like to frequent do offer an English version which we love! Thankfully, there are a few English speaking platforms for restaurant delivery apps, and of course we can always ask for help with words as we go, and 99% of the time, the Chinese people want to help and we are so grateful for them! For Pete’s sake, I even workout in an all Chinese speaking gym. I watch what others do, and it helps me learn words- lol!
2. Getting used to using Squatty Potties- haha. Of course if you are a female and have ever gone to college or camped in the wilderness (or lived anywhere in Asia), then you know how to squat, but having to teach Ava has been so funny. Let me be frank, many of the places we go to have nice clean toilet options like shopping malls, and even many restaurants that cater more to western clientele. BUT…..for instance my Chinese acupuncturist’s office- only squatty potties. Hutong public bathrooms? Only squatty potties….and WITHOUT doors or partitions between them. Most tourist spots like Forbidden City, etc? Yep, only squatty potties. So teaching Ava has been a delight (sarcasm again), and never could I think about pooping in one but hey that time could come still!! So yes there are times where your only option is a squatty potty. Yep, gotta get on board or pee your pants. And NEVER forget to bring your own tissue and hand sanitizer….and remember don’t flush it, place it in the garbage can next to you :).
3. TRAFFIC- holy moly the traffic. We are definitely getting better at figuring out when to go certain places but also many times it can’t be helped. David has traffic to and from work, kids have traffic to and from school. We live in the middle of work in one direction and school in the opposite direction for this reason- if we lived by school we would literally never see David (I am talking 1.5-2 hrs EACH WAY) vs. 30-45 min from our house. It’s bananas. So yea, getting used to sitting in a car for hours on end in stop and go city traffic. They even enacted a “no drive” day law, dependent on your license plate. So 1 day a week David is not allowed to drive his car. Supposed to help with traffic flow, lololol. The Chinese tout all these road driving laws, but nobody follows them. It’s a complete free for all. Legit terrifying at times just to cross the street!

I am forever laughing at the street signs and illustrations. On point!

Random things I want to mention, just because…..

1. Watching the elderly do Tai Chi in our neighborhood early in the morning. I absolutely love watching them move their able bodies and continuing to live life. I also always see handicapped elderly in wheelchairs, face to the sun, just enjoying it, even if they can’t move their bodies.
2. The hilariousness of being served disposable plastic gloves while eating burgers, Taos, sandwiches, – really, anything handheld. I mean they have a point and I could get used to it!
3. If the sun is shining (whether warm or cold), watching the locals all just bask in its glory, head towards the sun, just standing and enjoying the sun on their face. BUT….if the sun is too intense, watching the local women cover EVERYTHING up so as not to burn their precious skin. Again I could learn a thing or 2 about sun protection :).
4. I am going to try and be as delicate as possible here, but the smells here are unlike anything I have ever experienced. It’s hard to explain but you will know it when you smell it.
5. I also go crazy watching people spit everywhere- you really need to watch where you walk and definitely take your shoes off before entering homes. We also wipe Wilson’s paws before coming inside. And why, why, why, do some think it’s OK to “relieve” themselves on the side of the road?! Yep- young, old, doesn’t matter. Drop your pants and pee. What in the everlasting hell. I know it’s both a cultural thing and a generational thing being passes down but at what point do we stop the madness?! There are city workers everywhere keeping this huge city as clean as possible, so why make their job harder?
6. Their version of “cold” water is like 100 degrees celsius, lolol. You have to ask for “ice” to make anything cold. The Chinese do not like cold beverages (generally speaking). Room temperature, warm, and hot. That’s the norm, they believe in Chinese Traditional Medicine that cold water shocks your body in a bad way. idk :).
7. There is virtually no crime here, and children are held in the highest regard. So it’s super fun to be living in a city and letting the kids have freedom to explore in the blocks surrounding where we live, knowing they are safe to do so. I wish people back home could see just how incredibly warm and kind the Chinese people are and truly are very curious about us. It’s been fun trying to communicate with them in simple ways, and they always have smiles on their faces from our interactions. However, on another note, dogs need to be licensed and renewed every year. They have breed restrictions and height restrictions. Wilson is acclimating well and fully legal :).
8. WeChat is life! WeChat is an app in China that encapsulates so much. It’s a texting platform, payment platform, information platform, and so much more. It’s my lifeline here. My way not only to pay for things, but to connect with people in this city and country. I literally do not carry a wallet, cash, nor credit cards- only my phone, which is my life. If it’s lost or damaged, I am dead in the water until replaced. It’s so crazy how EVERYTHING is done on our phones and via WeChat, while QR codes are used for everything from payment to joining WeChat groups to registering for events.  (Alipay is also used commonly for payment).
9. Chinese stroll, they do not walk fast- the women stroll arm in arm, the men side by side, and coworkers in groups. I love watching them on their lunch breaks, not in a hurry, just enjoying being in the present moment with one another. Again, so much to learn coming from our faster is better mentality in the USA.
10. Size difference in clothes and shoes for Asians vs. westerners- it’s tough to find sizes for myself and David for clothing and shoes…and a struggle to compute the exchange with the kids sizing. It’s also getting used to the Metric system vs. Imperial. So tough.
11. All the amazing cuisines, the freshness of the produce is TOP NOTCH, and the loose leaf teas culture- love love love. I grocery shop multiple times a week, something I thought I would hate, but I actually kind of enjoy now. The fruits and veggies are all so amazing and fun to experiment with.
12. It’s a 50/50 split on if you can spot the difference between a factory “knock off” brand vs. the real thing. There is NO WAY this many locals can afford Canada Goose down jackets- hahaha. Most you literally cannot tell the difference, it’s AMAZING when you find a good one. But the bad fakes are laughable.
13. Smoking. Why in this day and age are so many Chinese smoking!!!! Young, old, makes no difference. So sad. It needs to stop.
14. Pollution is a very real thing. Something apparently that has gotten like millions of times better from what I am told but man when the polluted days come, it’s brutal. Makes the clear days all the more enjoyable.
15. E-scooters (electric), share bicycles, electric cars, gas cars, electric buses, and pedestrians. All sharing the same roads. Bananas. It’s like saying a prayer anytime you cross the street- look right, look left, look right, look left, look up, look down, starting crossing. keep looking- lol!

Hot Pot fresh veggies!

Delicious Hot Pot!!

What do we all miss from the USA?

1. I really miss Amazon, Target, Costco, really good quality aluminum foil, and guacamole.
2. Kids miss Goldfish crackers, Chick Filet, USA style candy and treats.
3. David misses grilling….apartment living does not bode well for grilling sadly.

…..of course we miss family and friends and so much more than the above bullet points but we try not to dwell on what we don’t have, rather enjoy the adventure of finding our new favorites! But man oh man, when we visit home we will gorge on all the things- lol!

Well I think that’s about it for now as we finish our first year here in Beijing as expats. This post does not explain everything but I hope it give you a better idea of what our life looks like in China. I know the rollercoaster will continue, and I know from experience that each low will be less and less “deep” and each high will be higher. For instance right now just before I hit “publish” I am feeling really really grateful and am loving the life we are creating here, having all had an awesome day. These are the things I hold onto while on this wild ride.

I’ll pop back in here and add as we continue to acclimate and share our journey, as always I love your curiosity and willingness to hear what I have to say. I will leave you with this:

We received some great advice from an American couple we met soon after moving here, just before they left to move back to the states. They said listen, if we can leave you with any advice at all about how to be an expat in China, it’s this:

Be like water. Just Be.Like.Water. :):):):)

Yours honestly,

Kimbra. xx